Show Not Tell

In Room 12 we have been learning to write, focusing on painting a vivid picture for the reader.  How do you think we have done?

When I first licked the lemon it tasted like one of those sour punch lollies, but even sourer.  It felt like a slimy worm wriggling in my hand. It looked like Lemon Grabs Head from Adventure Time. When I first put it in my mouth it was fine until my tongue finally touched the lemon. It was so sour my face crunched up like a paper being scrunched and put into the rubbish bin.

By Angalenna & Brooklyn

Looking at the lemon gave me a tingle down my back.  I slowly waited until Miss said go, so that I could put it in my mouth. It felt silky and slimy like a snail slithering through the night. "I saw your face screw up" the class started to chant.  I just licked my lips and said "mmmm."

By Jada & Teisa